Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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