too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
