I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
should my penis look like a turkey
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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