You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize