She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
