I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
