Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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