i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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