I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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