some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize