piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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