I wannas sexs uuuuu
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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