Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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