I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
