you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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