MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
