I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
