Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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