nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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