Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize