My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
