It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
