Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
