Just mADE A PArabola og urine
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
