So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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