Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
