Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
