There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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