im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
