We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
