I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize