She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
