I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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