I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
