How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
