I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
