our cab driver is having phone sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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