Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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