he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
