I smell stomach acid.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
