I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
