You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
