I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We got so high we made milksteak
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
