jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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