Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
