Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
