Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
