dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
