If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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