HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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