We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
