I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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