her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
