Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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