there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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