Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
