after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
