remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And my parents said I crawled through the house
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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