a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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