but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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