Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
