I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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