His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is my gift to your gina
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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