every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
