well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
