Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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