i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
