I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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