Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
