i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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