Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
