I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
