1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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