Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
