If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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