you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
