All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
