So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
