dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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