god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want her autograph on my taint
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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