where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You pole danced in your parka.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
