You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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