Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
