i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
