the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
