i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so much tequila, so little girl.
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