I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
