I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Operation Purity has been aborted
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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