Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize