Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
